What brings me to my blogging today? It’s all about what I am feeling.
Lately, life is good. I have been riding a life full of blessings, abundance is really manifesting in my daily life. I feel very supported by God in all my interests, all my plans, all my creative endevours and even all the fun and enjoyment in life. I am happy because aside from those things I am blessed with a wonderful husband, a good, beautiful and creative daughter, parents who are still with us, good health and wealth to draw from to make things happen. Things happen so easily for me. People think I am very lucky and “favoured” by up above.
This is probably why lately I am beginning to feel uncomfortable, guilty and worried. I can feel it and I am aware of it. When I contemplate on this feeling I picture the death eaters in Harry Potter shadowing over me. That’s a good thing, for me to picture because this means I am not conquered by it yet. That I am still separated from it.
When I feel the negative emotions that my ego tries to convince me to pay attention to, I ask it “WHY”? Why do I feel that way. Do I feel worried because I am afraid that it won’t last? Am I afraid that because I am living in abundance that soon all the money will be gone because I didn’t put limits to my abundance?
Why do I feel uncomfortable? Am I bragging when I tell about my successes, my joys, my blessings? Should I stop? That should take care of my feeling uncomfortable.
Why do I feel guilty? Do I feel I am not worthy of all the graces coming my way? Do I deserve them?
In the midst of silence, the answer that came to me is that… Am I grateful? If I am, these ”fears” ( yes these are FEARS in different forms) will not be there. During this time of reflection, deep within me tells me that I don’t need to feel this way. God has been very good to me not because I am favoured. He is good to everyone of His creation. I believe that I manifest a good life because I allow God’s goodness to enter my life and I did that by consciously letting it in. How did I do that? When life was not perfect I thought otherwise. I removed all the barriers by correcting my thinking and feeling. I convinced myself that I was happy and that I deserved to have a good life. Now that I am living a better life, why am I feeling the shift towards that direction, the unhealthy thinking. You know why my life was like a rollercoaster before? I had happy moments then I let unhappiness kick in. I think that is the lesson there. Why would I want that life again? I believe that if I continue along the fearful path, my life will be heading there. I CHOOSE to change paths.
To be truly grateful, one has to know a deeper understanding on how God’s love works. His love for us is bountiful and is available equally for all. I believe that what he gives me, He can and wants to give to each and everyone of us. When I feel afraid, uncomfortable and guilty, it is a sign that tells God, ”it’s okay God, I am okay now, I can take over now, thank you though”. See the wrong thinking in this picture? It’s like I’m embarrassed to receive more. Who is putting the blockage? Not God but me. God was so happy to give for He is abundant. He wants our lives to receive so that we will all shine. In shining, we can then give. We can inspire others, we can laugh more often, we can make the world a better place which I think is what God wants.
So, how can I show my gratefulness? By reveling in my blessings, by tasting it’s sweetness, by being happy. I cannot say I am thankful when I project a negative feeling. God is probably saying, ” what are you not happy about, am I not giving you everything?” Here are some of the affirmations I used before and I should not forget, “I allow all good things to come to my life. I deserve more blessings for I am a child of God. I am abundant because God is abundant. God supports everything I do. I am thankful for God’s love in my life.” It is in receiving that I manifest God’s work and in letting it happen by not blocking it by FEAR that I show my gratefulness. It is in allowing yourself to have the life you desire, that you can truly see God’s goodness, for these blessings are all God’s work.
